there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
