Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
