Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize