i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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