My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
