We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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