we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
