he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
