My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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