If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
