atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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