I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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