dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
