Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
