You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There r osticjed everywhere
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
