i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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