you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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