i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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