i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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