Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i now understand why vodka
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
