Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
