Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
