ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
