Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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