After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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