how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
