Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
