everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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