Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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