I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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