yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
