Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
