If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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