There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
