So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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