I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Blood and glitter go together right?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
