I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
