I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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