he thought i was a dude.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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