I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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