My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Randomize
