so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
