i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
