Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
