I'm going to jail i love you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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