How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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