I didn't shave. On purpose
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
