I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
