dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
