Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize