Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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