Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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