omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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