im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
