I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
