hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
