bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Can I color on your dick again?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
