I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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