im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
