OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
