He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drunk is not a location!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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