I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
