that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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