We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
