she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize