When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I need to stop coming to work sober
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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