just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
