guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
