my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
