"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
